Despite my very traumatic upbringing growing up in an alcoholic home, I always wanted to excel in whatever endeavor which I was engaged in. I would ask my teachers for more homework, probably so that I could escape the chaos going on in my household. I graduated from Cal Poly Pomona with a Bachelor of Science degree in Accounting with honors.
I received a job offer from one of the largest CPA firms in the world located in downtown Los Angeles which I quickly declined. After growing up in the fast lane of L.A. and Orange County, my mind was set on nature and wilderness and moving far away from my extremely dysfunctional family. I did not know what it was yet, but I knew that God had bigger plans in store for me.
Statistics say that a child who grows up in an alcoholic home usually marries another alcoholic, but true to my nature, I exceeded that expectation by marrying a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He would later escalate his antics and manipulations to resemble those of a psychopath or sociopath. As we moved across the country, I took my family secrets along with all of my traumatic pain and wounds inside of me after marrying this hot-tempered Italian man whom I thought I was deeply in love with. We moved to a very small country town in a majestic wilderness setting in a state near the Canadian border. We would eventually have four children in a span of five years. Since I had played the guardian or overseer role of my own family of origin since I was eight years old, I was mentally prepared to commit to the same caretaker role now. I knew that my husband had “some problems,” but I was sure that I could “fix” him. That erroneous line of thinking would, in due course, lead to my own destruction. I was no match for him. In a room full of alpha males, he would be the alpha male.
Along with my accounting ability, I found that I really enjoyed helping others in the business world. I opened my own accounting practice in 3 separate states, as I moved around the country. Continuing with this mindset, my purpose for writing this book is to assist, give guidance and to provide the skills and tools necessary to liberate an individual who is suffering from the same or similar mental health and domestic violence issues that I was able to OVERCOME.
When you search for a book to read and learn from, I would assume that you would want your information to come from an expert. I was quite skillful at stuffing all of my confusion and pain. I never disclosed any horrific details to anyone. Therefore, you would think that we had the most impeccable, picture-perfect marriage on the planet. In the course of events, however, the abuse escalated over the years from verbal to emotional to physical and then sexual. After stuffing my bloody wounds and emotions inside my body for over twenty years, it was only natural that my body said “NO MORE!” I had already been through depression and anxiety; now I proceeded to backslide into PTSD. These painful toxins held inside my body refused to be imprisoned in their own compartment for one more day. I consider myself to be an expert on child abandonment and all forms of domestic abuse, domestic violence, alcoholism and recovery, and PTSD and recovery.
I have had this book and title in my mind for many years. This book is written for the millions of other women and men who know what it is like to sit in the bottomless, black hole of depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is written for those of you who have been abused as a child or as an adult. I share my very personal story with joy in my heart to show you how YOU can overcome this alcoholism, mental health illnesses, and abuse issues. You do NOT have to remain the victim. You CAN LEARN to begin to lead a thriving, productive life of your own dreams! I can offer you the life-changing methods which you can use to accomplish this. Please pay special attention to my Knowledge sections inserted in this memoir. You can take action now, or you can stay stuck where you are. It is your choice to take a chance to change your life.
“To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die;…a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;….A time to rend, and a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;…..” Ecclesiastes 3:4
It is now my time to speak.
Some names and timelines may have been changed. Warning: some parts of this book could be hard to read or have a certain shock value to the reader.
-Penny Hollick, Author and Speaker