Below is my free gift to you:
12 Warning Flags Of Domestic Abuse
IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE: If you are in need of immediate help, please dial 911 or you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, the Domestic Violence Safety Plan Hotline at 1-800-978-3600 or RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network) at 1-800-656-4673.
My name is Penny Hollick, and I want to thank you so much for signing up for my newsletter. My newsletter will address many issues over time. This particular newsletter deals with DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
I have written my memoir, My Naked Face, with one purpose in mind: I sincerely want to help YOU, the reader to understand the many faces that domestic violence can look like among other issues. I wish I could have known these facts during the time that I was being abused by my now ex-husband. However, this was in the late 1980’s, and people did not want to talk about it. People did not even want to get involved if they suspected that there was abuse going on in the marriage. I found this out many years later from my neighbors. They suspected abuse; however, the attitude then was “it’s a family issue and just stay out of it.”
Well, the times have changed now, and not only is the subject of domestic violence being more openly discussed, but national organizations are having campaigns to STOP domestic violence. However, I can totally relate to the abused woman who is in the relationship now and perhaps is so brainwashed, fearful, and intimidated by her partner, that she still is afraid to come forward or seek any assistance for herself. I can tell you from my own experience, and statistics prove that the abuse will only get worse, not better.
What are 12 Common Warning Flags?
I will address the “subtle” red warning flags. These are the ones that I wish I would have known about. I am assuming that you already acknowledge that your partner has no right to the obvious physical assaults such as hitting, slapping, biting, pushing, shoving, kicking, throwing things at you, or inflicting any type of physical bodily harm to you.
I will use the term “he”, but it could be either gender.
- Does your stomach immediately get a tight knot or sick feeling in it when you see him arrive home from work? Do you secretly wish that he would get in an accident and not ever arrive home from work again?
- When your partner is home, are you walking around the house as if you are “walking on eggshells” nervously waiting for the next big blow up?
- Does he occasionally or frequently yell at you loudly using profanity if he feels that you did something wrong or did not follow his rules? Does he get right in your face to scare you while he is shouting obscenities and threatening you?
- Are you forced to do any type of household chore exactly according to his implicit instructions or there will be repercussions to face from him? (Example: something as mundane as to load the dishwasher a certain way, or to have dinner ready promptly at a certain time with the table set up in his exact format.)
- Does he continually make fun of you and insult you in social places in front of other people including family and friends? Is he so controlling that you have to ask him for permission to go to the bathroom in public places?
- Does he diminish and lie about the preceding day or night events if you try to talk to him about what happened? In other words, does he turn the story around so that he is not the villain and that this is somehow always your fault? Does this make you feel like you are going crazy in your head?
- Does your partner have no control over his violent rages and claims to not remember what he said? In a rage, is he capable of violently destroying anything in his path of fury which includes, but is not limited to, family personal property items and pets?
- Is he critical about your appearance and your behavior, and does he try to control what you wear and who your friends are?
- Has your partner ever intimidated you or threatened you with guns, knives or other weapons in order to stay in control? Does he do any or all of the above in front of your children if you have any?
- Sexual abuse comes in many forms but the ultimate goal of the abuser is to be in total control. He enjoys the fact that the act is against your will and always ends with the ultimate result of demeaning you and your own sense of morals. Has anything like this ever happened to you?
- Does he check your computer and cell phone to see what you have been doing on the internet or who you have been talking to on your phone? Does he forbid you to delete any calls that you made that day? Does he follow any posts that you may have made and laugh at you or criticize you or threaten to take away your “privilege” of using the internet or cell phone? This would be a form of digital abuse.
- Does he follow you to check on where you are going? Does he threaten to come to your work place and create a scene in front of your co-workers? Does he text you constantly? Does he track you using the GPS on your phone? Does he show up at odd times just where you happen to be like having lunch with a girlfriend that you didn’t even tell him about? This would be forms of stalking you.
With those twelve questions and the first paragraph, we have covered all forms of domestic abuse:
physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, digital, and stalking. This abusive behavior has the intent to gain or maintain power and control over you, his partner. To summarize, these behaviors blame, intimidate, threaten, isolate, manipulate, humiliate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, hurt, injure, or wound a partner.
This is to be taken very seriously. I hope this has helped you in understanding the variety of forms domestic violence looks like, and that it can help you in evaluating your own relationship. If you suspect that you may be in an abusive relationship, please DO NOT TAKE ANY ACTION AGAINST THE ABUSER ON YOUR OWN. You can find the right time by yourself to make phone calls or go to the proper authorities who will assist you and provide you safety. If and when you are ready to leave him, I strongly urge you that you have a very fool-proof escape plan in place first!
I have lived through this and survived. My mission is to help you to do the same.